Those are Strong words. Complete. Determined. Hard. Hurtful. Strange.
It’s hard to realize something has come to an end and to prove to yourself there will be another beginning. That hope will reign, that someone can become better, become stronger, become who they used to be. Finding who you once were, your core beliefs, your essence…this is something that novels are written about but an author can’t tell you the path you will be on, how hard it will be, or who might help you along the way.
This may not make sense to my readers but it makes sense to me. A ton of bricks landed this morning in a heaping pile on my head after listening to some music…I asked for these bricks to fall and I will be patient to let those wounds heal…to see what’s hurt and to repair the damage. I wish the bricks would have fallen only on me but I know some may have ricocheted to those around me (some more than others) and for that I am truly sorry and sad and hurt that I have wounded and caused pain to other people that I love. I’m not saddened by the ending of the chapter…I’m devastated by the consequences of it. I don’t think I can put into words the emotions, feelings, and process I am going through but it is HARD. Complete. Determined. Hurtful. Strange…..Hopeful.